When I am Distant, He is Enough.

On November 12, 2013 by Bethany

Eric and Bethany at the Apparent Project

Yesterday was a hard day.

I was just sick of myself. Ever have those days?

Tired of the same old you waking up and being stuck in the same ruts?

I was, I am.

I sat down to blog, like I have been trying to do for the past week, and nothing would come out. Everything becam furiously typed out of anger and became a garbled mess of words.

Then, I stopped. I recognized a pretty typical symptom for me–

When I can’t find inspiration, I know. I’m far from Him. Far from You, God.

That’s when I feel lost. Without hope. Sinking in the weight of my shame.

I can sense the distance, but I don’t know how to close it.

So, I just started talking. Talking, out loud, in the middle of the kitchen, while I made lunch.

As I rambled on and on to my Lord today, He told me this.

Distance is something you create.

I am never distant. I am always here, by your side, next to you, present wherever you go.

You, my dear, are the one who created this distance.

Now you are putting your shame of it above my mercy, above my love.

It’s simple: come back to me.

Let me take away the burdens of your heart.

 

But what about my failures?

I am bigger.

What about my faults?

I forgive you. 

What about my lies, my sin, my doubts?

I will walk through them with you.  

I have a heart that aches.

I can mend it.

I am unworthy.

I am Enough. 

Christ is present in these moments: when my shame seems to throw shadows on all I do, when distance is created and perpetuated by my own doing. He still stands with arms open wide, calling to my heart with His unfailing love.

I come to You, Father, with heart open wide–shameful of my distance, basking in the peace of Your forgiveness and the rich strength of your mercy.

Thank You for this simple truth today.

-Bethany

Beth

 

 

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